Friday 7 November 2008

Custody of my youngest son....

I have repeatedly asked my kid's mother if I could have joint custody of our three children. She refused.

My youngest bloke is mildly disabled. He has Asperger's Syndrome. In some things he is not aspie; in other things most definitely!

I have organised training for him; coaching; social skills; physical skills; have monitored his progress and organised meetings with his professionals and at the school. Made certain his mother was invited to all these.

Consistently, over the years, even though she had custody, she would not follow up with his homework, home training, or follow ups.

HOW INCREDIBLY FRUSTRATING! Yet she had full say as to whether I could get him more often, or not.

I am now taking her to court, because she refuses to discuss it, to attempt to get custody in these important years.

I am almost certain to be unsuccessful. He will say he doesn't want to change his routine - because kids rarely do; my place will mean more homework; Asperger's kids don't like change.

But I need to try. I have watched my two eldest atrophy in their skill levels. I wont watch that happen with the youngest bloke without a fight.

We had to appear in court and are now being assessed by a Social Worker / Psychologist.

In my submission to the court I spoke about his needs and how they were not being addressed or supported. In her reply, she spoke about how our 8 years ago marriage was torture and that I, fundamentally, was a very poor father. Then and now.

I am certain you would understand how hurtful that is - I firmly believe, however, totally unnecessary and missing the point.

The point is, the young bloke and his shot at an independent, self-determining life.

Whatever happens, I am committed to that!

5 comments:

Casdok said...

Am so sorry to read about this, i cant imagine how frustrating it must be. I wish Cs father had been as commited as you.
And i wish she could find it in her heart to at least talk to you.
So sad.

Jorgo said...

Thankyou so much for stopping by.

Casdok, C is fortunate he has you on his side. Whether things work out the way you would like or not, your commitment to him is unwavering.

Whether I get more time with my young man or not, my commitment to him will never change.

It will just be easier for me, if it works out the way I would like...

I would prefer you not to be sad about this - although I am blessed by your sadness.

I would prefer you to take some solace from the fact, that I will fight on for him, in some way, regardless of the outcome of this.

As you would for C.

I'll still dance, either way.

Casdok said...

I hope it does work out and you carry on dancing.

Tanya @ TeenAutism said...

This must be so discouraging for you. It's very difficult when our child's other parent is not as open to doing what would really help the child, just because it requires more effort from them (the other parent). I hope it works out so that you're able to spend more time with your son.

P.S. Thanks for stopping by Teen Autism, and best wishes.

Jorgo said...

Thankyou very much Tanya.

I've come to realise people do what they want to do; but are constrained by what they are capable of.

Whatever the result, I am committed to giving him the opportunity for the best life he can make for himself.

It was a pleasure to stop by Teen Autism - I found it very thought provoking and meaningful.

All the best.