New Beginning - Court Case Dies - where to?

Been a long while since I have been here.

I have done the Landmark Education Self Expression and Leadership Program (Selp).

I had an appointment with a court appointed psychologist and he told me that
A) My son doesn't want me to have custody of him
B) He didn't want to tell me himself in case I got angry
C) He wanted the psychologist to not hurt my feelings

Result, I got angry, hurt and despondent.

Then he interviewed my ex-wife and said that the reason she doesn't get the kids to do their homework; doesn't get Nick to do his training and exercises; doesn't organize any interventions; is that I push them too much and she compensates by making no demands of them.

I shouted "That's a fucking disgrace saying something like that!"

This, of course, didn't go down at all well with the Psych.

He then went onto say that she said that "Hugh thinks they should be good at everything so he pushes them - they wont be good at everything."

I said, in my usual relaxed style, "That's a fucking disgrace as well, and she should be absolutely ashamed of herself for even saying it."

He said, with a quizzical look on his face "that was a very strong reaction."

Indeed it was.

For 9 years I have had Nick diagnosed; organized interventions; co-ordinated his professionals; with scarcely any help from his mother. Certainly no follow up as regards the exercises he has been asked to do.

As a result of my explosions, and most importantly Nick's feed back, I have had to pull out of the court case.

I went through this scenario with my coach on the Selp - Clare - and she said to open a dialogue with Nick's mother. Tell her how I felt powerless and beaten.

Only took three hours for her to convince me it was a good idea...

Anyhow, that's where I am now.

I have been in the Mother's home a few times and discussed the care of the young lad. I need to just let it go and do whatever I am allowed to do.

It has been, and is, a struggle.

I go forward - exactly to where I am not certain.

Ongoing Court Case

Just now I had a telephone hook-up regarding custody of my youngest son.

The judge read out parts of the psychologist's assessment and that the children - the youngest in particular - don't want change.

She asked if I wanted to continue the matter.

It is hopeless. It will not succeed.

But the answer was yes - I will continue the case.

He is not doing his homework. He is failing maths - supposedly an Aspergers best subject.

He is disorganized - aspie.

I have to give it a go for his sake.

It will take at least another 6 months.

Almost too late.

We'll see. I owe his future at least that.

Landmark Advanced Course and Assisting Program

I have been coached by my seminar series leader and by some of the people in the centre.

I am a little further along the journey, but not where I would like to be.

The possibility of doing the Advanced Course again was raised. It is fairer if I assist on the advanced course - so I put in a little, and they put in a little.

One thing that was said during the coaching is I became, at some point, an identity, rather than being in touch with and present to the whole.

I believe that is true.

I will let go and experience the course as I assist others.

I will still be the essence of me - worry not!!

"Saw an old friend on the street last night.."

"we talked about the old times and we drank ourselves some beers - still crazy after all these years."

Is that how the Paul Simon song goes?

Am very much OK with where I am at the moment. Have been exposed to some grand ideas and am feeling invigorated.

I'm a lot further down my personal journey than I was last year. Things are moving in the directions I cause them to.

It seems that life is survival, always, and growth when one can.

It's in knowing when one can move forward, in challenging oneself, and knowing when it is better to concentrate on recovering - that's the key, it would appear...

Landmark Advanced Course

I have seen a lot of people get an enormous amount from the Landmark Advanced Course.

While I would say I got a little from it, I must say that I really didn't GET IT overall....

I was left with a feeling of disquiet and overall disturbance.

I am seeking coaching from the organization and await developments.

Christmas Eve Letter...

The Psychologist from the Family Court sent his report to me and it arrived Christmas Eve.

In it he said that he doesn't believe altering the living arrangements would be in my son's best interests.

His conclusion is less than helpful.

Now the fights and the discussions really begin!

I am still committed to his absolute well being.

Custody of my youngest son....

I have repeatedly asked my kid's mother if I could have joint custody of our three children. She refused.

My youngest bloke is mildly disabled. He has Asperger's Syndrome. In some things he is not aspie; in other things most definitely!

I have organised training for him; coaching; social skills; physical skills; have monitored his progress and organised meetings with his professionals and at the school. Made certain his mother was invited to all these.

Consistently, over the years, even though she had custody, she would not follow up with his homework, home training, or follow ups.

HOW INCREDIBLY FRUSTRATING! Yet she had full say as to whether I could get him more often, or not.

I am now taking her to court, because she refuses to discuss it, to attempt to get custody in these important years.

I am almost certain to be unsuccessful. He will say he doesn't want to change his routine - because kids rarely do; my place will mean more homework; Asperger's kids don't like change.

But I need to try. I have watched my two eldest atrophy in their skill levels. I wont watch that happen with the youngest bloke without a fight.

We had to appear in court and are now being assessed by a Social Worker / Psychologist.

In my submission to the court I spoke about his needs and how they were not being addressed or supported. In her reply, she spoke about how our 8 years ago marriage was torture and that I, fundamentally, was a very poor father. Then and now.

I am certain you would understand how hurtful that is - I firmly believe, however, totally unnecessary and missing the point.

The point is, the young bloke and his shot at an independent, self-determining life.

Whatever happens, I am committed to that!